PETRILA LITERARY COLONY
''terre des hommes''
mission
* Man, we know you’ve been deceived big time when buying land (?) on the Moon.
You paid a lot of money on a piece of paper that makes you the owner of something you’ll never step on.
We want to make things right for you. And we also want to make you the happy owner of a piece of land full of legends. Your sole as the sole of the country will rest on it; your hand will feel it and your mouth will shout: IT IS!
Right here and right now: we start the race for land!
America, with its primitive means (horses, carts, bicycles or just bare feet) is far away.
Somewhere, some when.
It’s high time for you, man of the twenty first century, to take your I-phone, your Internet Banking, your Master Card or Visa and hurry up!
We have a limited number of lots and we have no others to bid on the next century.
Twenty first century will be ours or will not be at all!
Here you have data on the place you’ve decided to invest your savings into.
PETRILA LITERARY COLONY
geographical position
Thanks to our friend Google, you can see the promised lot from the altitude of 12.5 km, so that you make sure we don’t sell favours.
Its coordinates are: 45 degrees 26 minutes 31 seconds N latitude, 23 degrees 22 minutes 31 seconds E longitude. Altitude: 634 m above Black Sea level.
The square we are talking about is part of the old Ferdinand Colony built by the Austrian-Hungarian Empire around 1860s.
It was that time when ‘Petrila was neither a village, nor a commune, nor a city.
It was a Colony.’ (Ion D. Sîrbu – quoted op.).
Today, with ‘patriotic pride and eternal gratefulness to the Great Leader’, we report the disappearance of that colony.
The house where Ion D. Sîrbu, the writer with European calling, was born and grew up in had a destiny that resembles the writer’s life and it is still in place, on its original foundation. Due to three successive buildings and re-buildings.
Today, the house is surrounded at the North, East, South and West by a beautiful piece of land that also includes the street where once upon a time ‘we used to read a lot and laugh a lot. There were two trumpets and a clarinet on this street only’.
This is the lucky find that can drop in your lap (to quote an ex-Minister of Culture).
The last decisive argument is, again according to Sîrbu, that the matrix landscape we are putting today on the market is a remain of the mining, poly-ethnic and mosaic-like colony, a world that is like no other place in the country, as no other possible dwelling, as nothing or no one else from nowhere else...
PETRILA LITERARY COLONY
technical and tactical details
The piece of land that we are offering today has an area of 476 square meters (according to the enclosed sketch). This area is split into 4,000 lots, all of the same size, plus few tiny lots for people with minor disabilities. The EU rules are asking for it and we are giving it to them! The euphemistic lots will be offered to those who lost a leg in a war or in a football game, to those with one foot inside the country and the other inside the Schengen zone – but still with their heads on their shoulders - and also to the distinguished Mushroom gentlemen and the honourable Stork ladies.
Note: we are not making any discount for those wearing size 32 and no increase for those wearing size 48.
PETRILA LITERARY COLONY
opportunities
We believe in the well-known and broad-adopted expression ‘WE DON’T SELL OUR COUNTRY!’. With one amendment: a strong NO to wholesale and a not so strong YES to the retail! In other words, we are offering a sole lot to one buyer! Eine mann, eine lot! But, as corruption is a gene in our people’s (and obviously yours) ADN, we are ready to temporarily close our eyes and legalise the sale of more lots to the same buyer.
In order not to encourage the wild gathering of land capital, the packages of lots will be sold in such a way that none of them will be in the neighbourhood of another one in the same package. We are preventing this way the mere thought of illegal building of various booths and pubs on this piece of land.
On the other hand, sensitive to the cold, social-democratic trend within our Colony, we will donate some of the lots.
Thus, from within the richness of our soul and land, we will donate 10 lots to famous people that we intend, through our gesture, to bind to the mother land.
Our intention of such a bonding aims Nobel Prize winners, artists that have not been promoted at the City Days and politicians that have still not been invited at OTV.
The free lot allotment will be made based on sweepstake.
Fortunate buyers,
You have, at last, the opportunity to get rid of annoying neighbourhoods. We know that some of you paid a lot of money on a piece of land in Pipera and you’ve found yourselves neighbours of Becali. The time has come for you to go away and settle down HERE. AND NOW!
Take advantage of the unique opportunity of having Gabriel Garcia Marquez as your neighbour at North, Ada Milea at South, Václav Havel at East and Hertha Müller at West.
The last but not least opportunity we are providing especially for you and that we agree not to see, hear or smell is that the owners, once their Landlord Certificate comes into action, will benefit from all the artistic and literary activities of our Colony. For free!
Final opportunity
The Certificate owners will receive, together with the due paper, a little bag with actual ground. Enriched with legends, stories, novels, poems, hymns and songs.
CONCLUSION
We’ve got Land. What’s the use of it?
TEN
Application Rules
1) You have a CV and it doesn’t include a certificate that makes it consistent? We are the solution!
2) You are about to get married. You have no dower to persuade the family? We are the solution!
3) You have a car, you have spare days and you have no green grass to make a barbecue on? We are the solution!
4) You’ve found one of Cosbuc’s books, you’ve read ‘We want land’ poem and you don’t know how to do it? We are the solution!
5) You go to a fancy birthday party and you don’t know what present to bring to honorius prigoana? We are the solution!
6) You are the Prince Charming of the neighbourhood and you have no place to put the Big Bad Ogre up to his neck into? We are the solution!
7) Do you want a real estate that is not subject to forfeit and formol tax? We are the solution!
8) Do you want to become famous and you want it to cost less than your entry in ‘Who’s Who’? We are the solution!
9) You have a boss and you want to smack him to the ground. You have the ‘with what’ but you don’t have the ‘where to’? We are the solution!
10) Are you fed up with having one foot in a hole in the ground and you want both of them in? We are the solution!